Your Worst Kiss and other Tales

Ziola · Post by **Ziola** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:02 am

My painful sex story is along the same lines, Mirage. I asked my BF to icy-hot my lower back and left hip because I had really wrenched them at work. He got all hot and bothered (I was falling asleep

) and let his hands wander down south...I thought for sure I was going to die

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:14 am

Ziola wrote:My painful sex story is along the same lines, Mirage. I asked my BF to icy-hot my lower back and left hip because I had really wrenched them at work. He got all hot and bothered (I was falling asleep ) and let his hands wander down south...I thought for sure I was going to die

That's great!!

I think one of the funniest parts is that you were half asleep and didn't wake up until you felt [t.v commericial voice] the icy hot soothing sensation [/t.v. commercial voice]!

Silly boys. When will they ever learn?

Ziola · Post by **Ziola** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:25 am

I don't think they'll ever learn...I just wait for the right moment to exact a little penis revenge

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:32 am

Ha! I think the funniest part in retrospect is that my BF thought he was being all sorts of sexy. I made sure to tell him that the next time he has a brilliant Sex!Idea to clue me in, first.

I can think of all kinds of evil penis revenges but I'd be frightened to do them---I don't know, it just seems like such a sensitive area that I would have the awful luck to really screw something up "down there".

Ziola · Post by **Ziola** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:37 am

Mirage wrote:Ha! I think the funniest part in retrospect is that my BF thought he was being all sorts of sexy. I made sure to tell him that the next time he has a brilliant Sex!Idea to clue me in, first.

I can think of all kinds of evil penis revenges but I'd be frightened to do them---I don't know, it just seems like such a sensitive area that I would have the awful luck to really screw something up "down there".

Not really bad stuff, like cutting it off or anything...

Just little things, like holding on to it with my really, really cold hands

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:43 am

Oooh, I could totally do that one--my hands are cold all the time, anyways! *insert evil laughter here* Oh my BF is gonna have such a surprise waiting for him tonight.....

Ziola · Post by **Ziola** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 10:47 am

Mirage wrote:Oooh, I could totally do that one--my hands are cold all the time, anyways! *insert evil laughter here* Oh my BF is gonna have such a surprise waiting for him tonight.....

I have never seen a pair of balls shrink so fast in my life

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 11:20 am

Funny how cold hands have that effect when a mouth full of crushed ice has a different one.

djmadscribbler · Post by **djmadscribbler** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:38 pm

Mirage wrote:Ha! I think the funniest part in retrospect is that my BF thought he was being all sorts of sexy. I made sure to tell him that the next time he has a brilliant Sex!Idea to clue me in, first.

I can think of all kinds of evil penis revenges but I'd be frightened to do them---I don't know, it just seems like such a sensitive area that I would have the awful luck to really screw something up "down there".

This reminds of something very similar that happened to me. My wife thought she'd surprise me by having altoids in her mouth. Yeah - not fun.

However that's something you could do for revenge. Then again you could do the same thing to him with the Breath Strips too

I guarantee it won't be fun time for all!

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:46 pm

djmadscribbler wrote: This reminds of something very similar that happened to me. My wife thought she'd surprise me by having altoids in her mouth. Yeah - not fun.

However that's something you could do for revenge. Then again you could do the same thing to him with the Breath Strips too I guarantee it won't be fun time for all!

Hehe...surprise!

I did feel a SMALL twinge of guilt, because my BF is not the most creative sort, and him just making that extra effort was great....but then the burning sensation would flare up again and chased all guilt from my mind.

Knowing my luck, the bastard would ENJOY the altoids/breath strips...and then I'd be indebted to you know, actually go through with it.

And then how the hell would it be revenge?

exanimatebylove · Post by **exanimatebylove** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 10:35 am

I am a VEEEEERYYYY picky kisser, So most of my kissing experiences were not too hot. I think I kissed maybe 2 or 3 people that I actually could enjoy kissing. Everyone else was crap. But get this...the best kiss partner I ever had was lacking skill in other areas...

Go figure right!!

The worst kisser ever...My friend is way into mexican men. Which is fine and dandy but, I'm just not attracted to them and so some of her friends came over one day they were drunk and acting like fools but I figured what the hell so we started kissing...UM EW!!!!!!!!! He was THE WORST kisser the world has ever seen. He totally ATE my face, I think he even licked my nose at one point. He was so rough and crazy about it.

It was pretty bad. On top of that he needed to shave so I had like razor burn. Y'ouch!!

Cuddlebunni · Post by **Cuddlebunni** » Thu Mar 29, 2007 11:46 am

Um, I'm curious to know why you had to point out that he was mexican. Like that bit of information was important to know when telling about a bad kissing experience.

Bad kissers come in all colors, shapes, and sizes sweetie. Which I am sure you are aware of, since you mentioned that most of your kissing experiences haven't been that great. And I am assuming they have been with non-mexicans since you stated "My friend is way into mexican men. Which is fine and dandy but, I'm just not attracted to them"

Im not trying to start an argument, that just irked me. The way it reads is like: "Eww I kissed a mexican".

Alright I'm done, back to you're regularly scheduled kissing tales.

Languorous Lass · Post by **Languorous Lass** » Mon Apr 02, 2007 8:34 pm

Cuddlebunni wrote:So what a great first impression I made huh? I made up for it later.

We ended up being together for 3 1/2 years.

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 7:03 pm

Cuddlebunni wrote:
Bad kissers come in all colors, shapes, and sizes sweetie.

True dat.

imogene2004 · Post by **imogene2004** » Tue Apr 03, 2007 9:31 pm

My worst kiss was when I was 15 and I kissed this really cute guy at a party. He didn't know what the hell he was doing! Somehow he managed to stick his tongue in my mouth while his mouth was shut.

And he must've had a really big tongue, cuz I couldn't even hardly move mine at all. It was like I was just sitting there, mouth open, waiting for him to be done. It was weird and I got the hell out of there as soon as I could pry him off!