Coming clean

tannhaus · Post by **tannhaus** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:24 am

Anyone who has seen my youtube page knows I suffer from depression. That's no big shock then. The fact that my voice was cracking in the video means it's no big shock I'm depressed now.

When I joined this community, I really thought I'd have fun here. At times, I did. I read the community rules when I joined...so I knew personal attacks weren't allowed...so I didn't think things would be too much of a problem. I knew I'd be attacked when I joined....because I am a thelemite, but I also thought that it would die down after a while. I figured some people would be snarky, but things would be moderated and eventually everyone would calm down.

But, it hasn't. The mods really don't care if personal attacks happen....so they do, with frequency. If you defend yourself, they still keep attacking. If you attack back, they keep attacking. If you ignore them, they keep attacking.

People can say they don't like me and are attacking me because of my attitude, but I haven't had one. It's easy to read whatever "attitude" you wish into words on a screen. You can twist things to suit whatever your prejudices are. If you want someone to be the bad guy, it's easy to see them that way...it's just a matter of how you read what they type.

The point is, yes....it hurt...whether it was missmars saying I was a pedophile...JerseyJohnny....spaciegirl...whoever. It wasn't funny when I was being attacked. It hurt. It's gotten to the point where no matter what I say, I get attacked. So, it's gotten to the point I can't say anything.

I've tried pm'ing admin...the mods...whoever. They ignore me. They certainly don't stop the personal attacks. But, it's not about blame... I simply can't take the constant attacks every day no matter what I say.

I've tried holding it together...then I tried hiding it....then I tried appealing to someone to stop it. Now, I've just got to leave. Right now...I can't take this.

It sucks not being able to enjoy myself with the friends I've made...but this is just driving me down. It's hurting me. I can't do it anymore.

jrea54 · Post by **jrea54** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:28 am

one would hope that such petty cruelty ends when people grow up, but that's obviously not the case. im sorry that your feelings were hurt.

AshezB · Post by **AshezB** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:37 am

I'm sorry you had to go through that... people need to understand that everyone has their own beliefs! They need to grow up! On the other hand... it is a bit of a give and take. I know personal attacks are mean, but you have to know when to ignore them and move on. These people don't know you and shouldn't impact how you feel about yourself. Depression is a serious problem, but sometimes when you take things to heart so much instead of just rolling with the punches, you end up feeling even worse! Sorry again though~ and good luck with overcoming your struggles!

curriguy · Post by **curriguy** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 6:07 am

I don't know if you're ever going to read this...
considering you've probably logged off forever already.

but things to keep in mind:

1.
Everyone inherits the guise of anonymity on the internet. and this gives people the balls to be crueler/harsher/meaner than they would to your face. A lot of times people are being mean just because they CAN, and not because they really mean it.

Of course, I don't really know what people said to you. they might have meant it...but my guess is...they were exagerating.

2.
You shouldn't let the opinions of a bunch of random internet goons affect your feelings. Who gives a s*it what they say? They don't know your name, what you do for fun, what you're like with friends....they don't know YOU. all they know is that you have some sort of egyptian avatar...and that your username is hard to pronounce.

if you want to worry about people's opinions...worry about what your best friend or father or sister thinks of you. these are the people that matter...and who have invested time into getting to know you.

sure a moderator could stop the internet goons, but it's more important that YOU remain level headed, unaffected by their words. I suppose it takes a bit of self-esteem. and I'm sure you've got it in you somewhere. and if you're sure you absolutely don't, perhaps you should consult a professional...a therapist, a doctor, etc.

3.
If you're here just for fun, stick to less "intense" areas of the board. For example, the Videos board rarely gets as heated as the Religion board.

4.
The best response to an attack is not really defensive, offensive, or ignoring. It's simply stating your feelings clearly: "I do not appreciate that you are getting personal just because you don't agree with my opinion. We can debate the issue, but do not insult me."

asenath · Post by **asenath** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 6:27 am

curriguy wrote:2.
You shouldn't let the opinions of a bunch of random internet goons affect your feelings. Who gives a s*it what they say? They don't know your name, what you do for fun, what you're like with friends....they don't know YOU. all they know is that you have some sort of egyptian avatar...and that your username is hard to pronounce.

As much as this makes sense in theory, complications come into play with this logic when one suffers from something as emotionally tiring as clinical depression, because one is more sensitive than others. I won't get much more into this, because I've already told tannhaus exactly how I feel about this entire situtation, and because my personal business really has no place on here. However, there comes a time where posting on a certain website isn't worth it anymore, if all it does is provide more hurt feelings.

Anyway, the guy's a sweetie and if certain people can't see it, it's their loss.

sororyzbl · Post by **sororyzbl** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:18 am

asenath wrote:
curriguy wrote:2.
You shouldn't let the opinions of a bunch of random internet goons affect your feelings. Who gives a s*it what they say? They don't know your name, what you do for fun, what you're like with friends....they don't know YOU. all they know is that you have some sort of egyptian avatar...and that your username is hard to pronounce.
As much as this makes sense in theory, complications come into play with this logic when one suffers from something as emotionally tiring as clinical depression, because one is more sensitive than others. I won't get much more into this, because I've already told tannhaus exactly how I feel about this entire situtation, and because my personal business really has no place on here. However, there comes a time where posting on a certain website isn't worth it anymore, if all it does is provide more hurt feelings.

Anyway, the guy's a sweetie and if certain people can't see it, it's their loss.

Hear, hear! I for one's gonna miss the Beast.

Tanny, call me if you need someone to yell at. Agape, Frater, and remember 360!

oooo I just found a new magick number.

Mirage · Post by **Mirage** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 10:30 am

This freaking sucks!!!

And just proves my point that the rules here need to be enforced.

*sigh*

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 11:42 am

Post by **twjaniak** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 11:56 am

Tannhaus, you did manage to rub some people on these boards the wrong way. However, some their reactions to that have been extreme. One of the people you have mentioned has been banned. The others have been spoken with in private. The admins and mods here are not blind to your concerns.

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 11:58 am

Yeah, grow a pair, son!

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:07 pm

twjaniak wrote:Tannhaus, you did manage to rub some people on these boards the wrong way. However, some their reactions to that have been extreme. One of the people you have mentioned has been banned. The others have been spoken with in private. The admins and mods here are not blind to your concerns.

twjaniak is the coolest mod, ever.

Post by **Broken Kid** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:19 pm

I always found Tan's posts about thelema and the occult to be enlightening and informative. Certainly explained quite a bit to me. However, I avoid the religion forum 90% of the time. Most of the threads get into personal diatribe or purely wrong speculation by people who didn't take the time to read other threads. It's unfortunate, because there's a lot of good stuff there.

What are the things people are never supposed to talk about at parties? Religion, salaries, those kinds of things? Certainly religion is one of them, because they evoke such strong feelings. And it's hard to see one's religion attacked...these are personal beliefs, the thing we hold to most strongly!

But then again, there are lots of other places on the board to discuss more lighthearted things. But I think that wouldn't be you. I haven't read all the discussion, and twjaniak says some of Tan's posts can be interpreted as attacking (as he himself said). I say just ignore the thread and have fun elsewhere... But sorry things didn't work out.

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:26 pm

twjaniak wrote:The admins and mods here are not blind to your concerns...

However, at least one of the moderators reportedly plays kazoo and works as a backup musician for the servants of Azathoth, the blind idiot god, while others are said to shake tamborines in the Mana-Yood-Sushai Naptime Experience, a little-known tribute band from Pegana.

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:30 pm

And yeah, I for one hope tannhaus sticks around, or at the very least pays us a return visit after his next trip to Venusburg.

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Wed Oct 18, 2006 12:31 pm

You guys are covering up my mod-ass kissing.