What would you do?

BallsyMcD · Post by **BallsyMcD** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:40 pm

AutoPilate wrote:Hey, I made a good point too!

awwww, but to me, what good is a cutoff flannel shirt if it's clean?

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:41 pm

Oh snap! Ya got me.

Post by **wintermute** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:41 pm

I agree with AP... Kick him in the throat

More seriously, if he gets along with his in-laws as well as I get along with mine, maybe he's just afraid of the strings that are attached...

'mute

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:44 pm

wintermute wrote:I agree with AP... Kick him in the throat

More seriously, if he gets along with his in-laws as well as I get along with mine, maybe he's just afraid of the strings that are attached...

'mute

Yeah, but that goes back to my point. Being in debt to someone leads to resentment at being powerless or not being in control, to some minds.

I think he should forget about the strings for the moment.

Survival, then resentment.

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:46 pm

The mind's the problem, then. Fix the mind. Trickery isn't a solution.

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:48 pm

AutoPilate wrote:The mind's the problem, then. Fix the mind. Trickery isn't a solution.

I'm not talking about trickery, per se. Persuasion doesn't require trickery, if by "trickery" you mean dishonesty.

Negotiation, man. And persuasion.

Killthesmiley · Post by **Killthesmiley** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:48 pm

well actually he looks up to my grandfather (who raised me) as a role model since meeting him...

It's completely his pride that is in the way. Its not like we don't work for our money. He's management at a call center dealing with HP Products ( i believe we set the LG15 web site up with their new servers actually), but with two children, credit card/wedding debt and unbelievable bills pilling up with formula diapers and soon school supplies and school fees....it's overwhelming.
We actually just had our cell phone disconnected becuase there was a billing error. Because of that billing error we don't know how much we actually owe, so we can't pay it, and budget correctly...so we're screwed.

it's frustrating (but thanks for some of the humorous comments...they made me laugh)

Kasdeja · Post by **Kasdeja** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:50 pm

Just let him know that it isn't failure or charity, you guys aren't sitting around collecting welfare...it's just tough to make it and with two little ones that only makes it tougher. It makes me feel better when I pay someone back...even if it takes a long time or it takes making payments whenI can.

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:51 pm

Killthesmiley wrote:well actually he looks up to my grandfather (who raised me) as a role model since meeting him...

It's completely his pride that is in the way. Its not like we don't work for our money. He's management at a call center dealing with HP Products ( i believe we set the LG15 web site up with their new servers actually), but with two children, credit card/wedding debt and unbelievable bills pilling up with formula diapers and soon school supplies and school fees....it's overwhelming.
We actually just had our cell phone disconnected becuase there was a billing error. Because of that billing error we don't know how much we actually owe, so we can't pay it, and budget correctly...so we're screwed.

it's frustrating (but thanks for some of the humorous comments...they made me laugh)

You love him, right? (Rhetorical question.)

Just keep his pride in mind, and persuade. You know him. You know what he likes and hopefully how he thinks. If you were in his place, what would it take to get you to lower your guard, or for the proposition to sound reasonable?

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:52 pm

Kas, that's why I accept gifts, but I refuse loans.

AutoPilate · Post by **AutoPilate** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 3:58 pm

Sheikh Gomelez wrote:If you were in his place, what would it take to get you to lower your guard, or for the proposition to sound reasonable?

All it should take is some sense. Pandering to his pride is a cop-out that doesn't deal with the underlying problem.

Sheikh Gomelez · Post by **Sheikh Gomelez** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 4:04 pm

AutoPilate wrote:
Sheikh Gomelez wrote:If you were in his place, what would it take to get you to lower your guard, or for the proposition to sound reasonable?
All it should take is some sense. Pandering to his pride is a cop-out that doesn't deal with the underlying problem.

I don't see it as pandering. I see it as beneficial to both parties.

If his pride proves to be a huge issue in the relationship, she can deal with it at a later date. Given the situation and the presence of kids, survival is-- and should be-- the primary concern.

At this point, survival equates with money.

What you see as pride, I see as a typical human behavior. Some people don't like the taste of certain medicines. It's simply a matter of getting someone to take the medicine, even if the person doesn't like the taste.

I'd save discussions of the person's whining and moaning about the smell and flavor of the dope for when the person's feeling better.

Unless, of course, the motherf***er punched me when I was lowering the spoon. Then there'd be an escalation of discourse.

ApotheosisAZ · Post by **ApotheosisAZ** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 5:16 pm

Killthesmiley wrote:If you were in financial meyham and your family is trying to fork money over to you, and your husband is telling you to refuse it???

Take the money. Remind him that your own children may need you to do this for them one day.

djmadscribbler · Post by **djmadscribbler** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 7:24 pm

I think Kas is on the money with this one!

Sami · Post by **Sami** » Fri Mar 09, 2007 10:00 pm

Killthesmiley wrote:well actually he looks up to my grandfather (who raised me) as a role model since meeting him...

It's completely his pride that is in the way. Its not like we don't work for our money. He's management at a call center dealing with HP Products ( i believe we set the LG15 web site up with their new servers actually), but with two children, credit card/wedding debt and unbelievable bills pilling up with formula diapers and soon school supplies and school fees....it's overwhelming.
We actually just had our cell phone disconnected becuase there was a billing error. Because of that billing error we don't know how much we actually owe, so we can't pay it, and budget correctly...so we're screwed.

He should swollow his pride.
He go to work and have two kids, so he's doing the best he can, and shouldn't be ashamed to get help

Lonelygirl15

What would you do?

Re: What would you do?