Lonelygirl15

I'm going to throw out a suggestion here -- whether it will work on this forum or not, I'll let others decide.

On an old forum I used to run, we had "mailboxes". Basically this was a section decicated to each person that was active on the board having a thread that was just their own, to do with as they wanted -- sort of like Spacie's thread where her and her friends hang out and let it all hang loose, lol! You can say and do whatever you want, short of personally attacking a specific member and no one can really complain (don't like someone's sense of humor? Don't go to their thread) Post pics of your kids, your dog, your tattoo, make jokes, throw out your wildest theories about lg15, use it as sort of a mini-blog and use it as a place to meet up and discuss things when a off topic convo starts up on another thread.

Of course, these are all public, and really personal stuff should still be kept to PMs, but they are also nice to chit chat on. And of course, you can basically act as your own moderator on your own thread. Don't like someone's joke that they posted on your thread? Ask a mod to remove it, and they will, no questions asked. We actually had a specified moderator for this area, who worked no other area, just to handle "mailbox" issues (which ended up few and far between).

This worked on my site, which had at one time almost a thousand members, but only about 200 actively posting. If someone didn't quit the site or didn't post in such-and-such a time period, they were PMed that they were in danger of loosing their mailbox. If they didn't post in such-and-such a time after that, the mod would delete their mailbox.

So anyway, I thought I'd throw the idea out there. Do with it what you will.

Macabea13 wrote:I might be beating a dead horse here, but had errands and then came back. I would just like to go on record that I am not sure I like the idea of the mods being anonymous. Friendships are inevitable, which can lead to biases, as do thoughts and theoretical viewpoints, However, the way it is now we at least know about these things. . If we didn't know about them it probably would not eliminate any already existing biases, it would just make them more hidden., which could have the side effect of legitimizing the bias. I, for one, would rather have more information than less.

Nothing personal to you mods, for the most part you are a very level headed crew, and I really think that you do a great job. I don't want to see you babysitting here, it would take away from all the great info and recap posts you all provide for us....and then I would never know what was going on.

Yes, good point. Have we considered haveing "on duty" and "off duty" names? We would know who they are, but when they are "off duty", they could kick back like the rest of us without being accused of showing favoritism. When they are "on duty" they would need to be all business. I don't know enough about administrating forums to know if this is a good idea or not - just a thought.

I will say that I do agree that there seems to be a higher level of flaming and name-calling on this forum than on some others I visit. I will say that I do agree with those who feel that this is unfortunate and that they feel like they are afraid of posting their views and ideas because of the possible schoolyard backlash they may face.

That said, I personally have come across this very thing. I have made posts simply stating my opinions or ideas and I have had people on the forum go out of their way to say that my ideas were stupid in so many words without elaborating on why they think they are stupid (ie..flaming me). Sure, in a perfect world people wouldn't do this, but I honestly don't let it bother me and I certainly haven't let it impede on any future postings I have made here. I just simply don't care. If someone disagrees with something I say and they state their reason in an adult manner, I welcome this and respect their view. (After all, who wants everyone to agree with everything they say all of the time?) If someone replies to what I have said and they are just being a jerk about it, without elaborating, I ignore it. I have a lot of respect for people who act like adults and zero respect for the rest.

I know that there are people in this world who are overly sensitive and things that wouldn't bother me or someone else would bother them. Bieng sensitive is not a bad thing. I guess I am just saying that I have thicker skin and I don't let a few idiots in the bunch ruin my time or experience. I never have and I am not about to start doing it here.

Just ignore it. Flames keep burning when people keep fanning them. Just let it be and it will burn itself out.

licoricesniper wrote:...
Just ignore it. Flames keep burning when people keep fanning them. Just let it be and it will burn itself out.

I do believe that there is a lot of truth to that statement. If you don't "feed the trolls" they usually go away.

On the other hand, sometimes someone says something that you find so basically offensive that you feel almost obligated to take a stand on.

There a quote by Jane Goodall that says "Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

If you are quiet when you feel really offended, it sort of, in my opinion, makes you a part of the problem.

Of course this doesn't always aply on this forum. Most of the flaming is random, senseless petty crap and could/should just be ignored. But there have been times that people have mad really over the top statements/jokes/judgements that have to be addressed.

silvermoon wrote: There a quote by Jane Goodall that says "Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

"Acknowledge their Position and Help Initiate Dialogue" OMG Jane is with the order!

Sorry, I couldn't resist

Actually, I really like this quote. Back on topic . . .

silvermoon wrote:

licoricesniper wrote:...
Just ignore it. Flames keep burning when people keep fanning them. Just let it be and it will burn itself out.

I do believe that there is a lot of truth to that statement. If you don't "feed the trolls" they usually go away.

On the other hand, sometimes someone says something that you find so basically offensive that you feel almost obligated to take a stand on.

There a quote by Jane Goodall that says "Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

If you are quiet when you feel really offended, it sort of, in my opinion, makes you a part of the problem.

Of course this doesn't always aply on this forum. Most of the flaming is random, senseless petty crap and could/should just be ignored. But there have been times that people have mad really over the top statements/jokes/judgements that have to be addressed.

Sure I definitely see where you are coming from. If there is an instance where you feel so strongly about something and someone is downright berating you or getting too personal, go ahead, stick up for yourself! For instance, if someone keeps making openly racist or sexually harassing comments tht you feel uncomfortable with I think it's definitely a good thing to address the situation, if not with them, with the mods so that they can take care of it. I guess I didn't clarify what I meant and that is the stupid, petty things people say to get under your skin or the arguments they try to incite that have absolutely no basis whatsoever are the ones that should be ignored.

I just think that maybe people need to realize that there are always going to be those people who try to ruin things for everyone else and there are always going to be people who don't like you, and not just on the boards, but in real life. If I had a quarter for every person who said something mean to me or didn't like me, I could probably retire. I can also say the same thing for ll the nice things people have said to me and all the people in my life that do like me. I just think sometimes people lose sight of the way things really are and they try to fight a futile battle. That's all I am saying.

Your response was very well-said.

Keep on keepin' on!

Luminous wrote:

silvermoon wrote: There a quote by Jane Goodall that says "Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

"Acknowledge their Position and Help Initiate Dialogue" OMG Jane is with the order!

Sorry, I couldn't resist

Actually, I really like this quote. Back on topic . . .

GIGGLEFEST!!

licoricesniper wrote:

Luminous wrote:

silvermoon wrote: There a quote by Jane Goodall that says "Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don't believe is right."

"Acknowledge their Position and Help Initiate Dialogue" OMG Jane is with the order!

Sorry, I couldn't resist

Actually, I really like this quote. Back on topic . . .

GIGGLEFEST!!

You know, what's really funny, as I review this I realize Gemma actually gave us a code to integrate here. If we followed it when things get out of hand it would most likely douse quite a few flames - and its true to the LG15 Breeniverse

Gemma's advice isn't all bad advice, right?

anyways, back on topic now...

(DANG YOU LUMINOUS FOR LEADING ME ASTRAY! )

licoricesniper wrote:
I just think that maybe people need to realize that there are always going to be those people who try to ruin things for everyone else and there are always going to be people who don't like you, and not just on the boards, but in real life. If I had a quarter for every person who said something mean to me or didn't like me, I could probably retire. I can also say the same thing for ll the nice things people have said to me and all the people in my life that do like me. I just think sometimes people lose sight of the way things really are and they try to fight a futile battle. That's all I am saying.

Absolutely. The little pokes and prods just meant to get you mad should 100% be ignored. It's just a bully tactic. And, let's face it, a lot of people are just darn mean!


I'd also like to mention the fact that if someone posts something a little off-color or seemingly flamey who is new or doesn't usually post such things, just telling them calmly that you find it offensive is better than getting completely irrate about it. Sometimes people either are new, and don't realize how inappropriate the comment is on this forum, or just stated something unwell and didn't mean to offend at all. Initiating that dialogue is all thats needed, lol!

It pains me to give Gemma credit, lol.

While I agree, understand, etc the 'neighborhood' thing...I think some are missing the point and others are forgetting the point...that regardless of what is acceptable in each neighborhood...there should still be consistency in each 'hood....like, no favorites...mods/ops shouldnt' partake in the drama, flaming, etc...and all that. That's the consistency I speak of...and regardless of the differences between the areas and retaining that, there still needs to be consistency there.

Like the difference between the consistency of creamy peanut butter and chunky.

Like...the same person flaming and chastising someone, even though they are a moderator but then letting someone else get away with the same thing. Or, like a mod/op instigating drama.

Kasdeja wrote:While I agree, understand, etc the 'neighborhood' thing...I think some are missing the point and others are forgetting the point...that regardless of what is acceptable in each neighborhood...there should still be consistency in each 'hood....like, no favorites...mods/ops shouldnt' partake in the drama, flaming, etc...and all that. That's the consistency I speak of...and regardless of the differences between the areas and retaining that, there still needs to be consistency there.

I agree with this 100%, and would like to add no "Gangs of Hoodies" roaming the neighborhoods beating people up.

I was going to post earlier, before I had read every single post in this thread, but thought everyone who has contributed to this thread deserved more that that. I'll now weigh in after having read everything that' been posted in this thread.

This first thing I'd like to address is consistency. There are two levels of this.

First, there's the consistency that the moderators show all members. I'd like to think that I'm consistent with my treatment of everyone, regardless of our friendship status. However, I realize that is a failing of human nature to treat everyone equally, and the mods are, for better or worse, human. I don't think I would moderate any differently if I were anonymous or had a different username when I was "on-duty." And if anything, I tend to favor those who are not my "friends" when both are involved in a situation where my input is required. I recognize this failing in myself and acknowledge it, and hopefully that makes me at least a little more consistent in my moderator duties.

When I was first considered as a mod, TWJ asked my what I would do if I encountered a flame war. My reply was "Flamewars are a delicate balancing act, and I don't envy the mods. I guess it really depends on the severity. If it were a case where things were getting personal, I'd lock the thread. In other cases, I might let things play out to let them resolve themselves. Either way, I would try to remain impartial, and in the case I were directly involved or being attacked, I would probably leave it to another mod in order for it to be resolved by an impartial party. "

I guess TWJ liked my answer, because I was made a mod after that. His reply included this little tidbit about censorship, which I've tried to take to heart: "The censorhip policy is fairly liberal: it's all about context. Vulgar, hateful speech can be deleted or cause for thread-locking. Offensive words used to express excitement or humor, usually are okay." This is precisely why I have let some things go on further than some of the other mods may have. It's never had anything to with who the participants were.

Also, there's consistency between moderators. I agree that we need to project a unified front (except, of course, when one of us is wrong. But that should be dealt with between BK and the moderator in question), but I don't think we will ever be completely consistent across the board. We each bring our personality traits to the job, both good and bad. Even if we were given strict guidelines that read like the United States criminal code, there'd eventually arise a situation that wasn't covered. That would require a judgment call. Some of us would defer to Broken Kid as the Forum Administrator. Others would make a call to take immediate action. Most of us would give the situation the consideration it deserved before deciding which to do.

This is turning into a longer dissertation that I had intended, so I'll stop here. I'll address additional points when I remember what else I was gonna address

'mute

edit: Oh yeah. Popularity contests. I'll remind everyone that I wasn't nearly the prolific poster I am when I first made mod I don't think post count should be a consideration either way

edit 2: I try to hang out in the "Suggestions" and "Concerns and Complaints" sections as much as possible. Sometimes it's hard to keep up with everything, though