Calling all voice actors!

[lonelyelendi]

I am in need of someone to read a couple lines for a old-style radio show vaudvillian show...if you are interested PM me!

Late Night Diner
A short written by Kenneth Dale VandenBerghe

Cast:
Patron – Kenny
Harriett – Paisley
Cook – [Not cast]
[LIGHTS UP.]

[A man, Patron, enters a run-down diner. The place is empty. He takes a seat at the counter and pulls a menu from its place next to the napkin dispenser. An elderly woman, Harriett, in a waitress uniform approaches him]

Harriett: Welcome to Al’s Diner. What do you want?

Patron: Uh, hi. Can I get a cup of decaf?

Harriett: Nope.

Patron: [A beat] Excuse me?

Harriett: [Flat tone, as if simply repeating herself] I said “Nope.”

Patron: Uh… [With much pleasantness as he can muster] Please?

Harriett: [Confused] Please what?

Patron: [Slightly irritated] Please may I have a cup of decaf?

Harriett: Nope.

Patron: Why not?

Harriett: Don’t got no decaf.

Patron: Oh! Oh. Alright, uh…Just a cup of regular, then.

Harriett: Don’t got no regular.

Patron: You don’t have any coffee?

Harriett: [Matter-of-factly] I didn’t say we don’t got no coffee. We got coffee.

Patron: [Irritated] Then, will you please just give me a cup?

Harriett: Can’t.

Patron: Why not?

Harriett: We ain’t got no coffee pot.

Patron: [Deep sigh. Tries to be polite] Fine. It’s fine. Do you have water?

Harriett: Yeah, we got water.

Patron: And clean glasses?

Harriett: Yup, clean glasses too.

Patron: Then give me a glass of water.

Harriett: You got it. Anything to eat?

Patron: Yeah. Um…just get me two eggs, over-easy.

Harriett: [Repeating the order slowly while writing it down] Two eggs…over…What did you say you wanted those eggs over, again?

Patron: [Patronizing] Over-“easy”.

Harriett: Over “Easy”?

Patron: [Speaking down to Paisley with false pleasant tone] Thaaaaat’s right!

Harriett: Why do you want eggs over Easy? Seems a bit strange…

Patron: What…?

Harriett: [Continuing her thought] I mean, Easy usually stays in the kitchen. I can go ask ‘im if he would…

Patron: [Cutting Paisley off] What the hell are you talking about?

Harriett: Well, I thought…

Patron: [Cutting Paisley off again, very irritated] You know what? I don’t care. Just get me the water and I’ll…

[Cook‘s voice from the back of the diner]

Cook: [Shouting from back] Is someone out there?

Harriett: Uh-oh!

Cook: Harriett? Is that you? I thought I told you…

Harriett: [Hurriedly to Patron] Thanks for coming!

[Harriett runs out, and Cook in a white apron rushes out of the back of the diner to find Patron sitting baffled at the counter]

Cook: Did a woman in a waitress outfit with big, curly hair come in here?

Patron: Uh…well, yes. She was…uh…taking my order. Well, actually, she was…

Cook: [Not listening to Patron, continuing his thought] God damn it! She got out again!

Patron: I’m sorry. What now?

Cook: [As if telling a legend or myth] That woman isn’t a waitress here. She isn’t a waitress anywhere. [Correcting himself] Anymore, that is. She used to work here, ‘bout… [pause while trying to remember] forty-five years back. But after her husband was brutally murdered she kind of lost her mind. Can’t really blame her, though. Eventually, she started trying to take orders from empty tables. ‘Course, she was very polite to those tables, but the fact is she just wasn’t… [A beat] all there, you know? So, she got put in a mental hospital. But she manages to escape every once in a while ‘cause she don’t seem crazy, and them orderlies just can’t tell she is a patient. When she is out, she always comes here. Usually starts trying to tell that booth over there about the specials. [Overcome by nostalgia and sadness over Harriett‘s story.]

Patron: [In disbelief] Wow. I – I had no idea. Well, [chuckles a little] that explains a lot.

Cook: [Chuckles a little in response to Patron] So, can I get you anything?

Patron: [Suddenly remembering he is in the diner] Yes! [With genuine politeness] Can I have a cup of decaf?

Cook: Nope.

[Patron‘s head falls and hits countertop. Cook shrugs and walks behind the counter, takes the rag off of his shoulder and begins wiping the counter with it.]

[LIGHTS OUT.]


*The End*

[angie78gg]

Why PM.... are you trying to get freaky? I heard your last "voice dialogue". Thats all I have to say about that

[lonelyelendi]

HAHAHAHA! This one is less raunchy. I will post the script...the part I need filled is the cook...

[angie78gg]

That's cute! I wanna be the crazy lady LOL...j/k

[lonelyelendi]

Tell you what angie...if you have a mic....I will write you a bit part in my next short!

[angie78gg]

I wish, but however I suck! I dont own a mic, hubby is too cheap tp go buy one lol

[cup o' noodles]

I wish, but however I suck! I dont own a mic, hubby is too cheap tp go buy one lol

lol, I'm a little cheap myself. I'm using the built in mic.

[lonelyelendi]

Yes, but Paisley, baby, you have a mac...mac has nice built-in mics.

[cup o' noodles]

Pssh, not really. I didn't even realize I had one until I saw it in the book.

It's just a tiny little dot in the upper-right corner on my screen. I have to sit on top of my desk to reach it. (My friend Matt's reading over my shoulder and he wants me to mention that, and I quote- "That's one lucky-ass desk! Damn!" Note to self-stop having Matt over.)

[angie78gg]

I wish I had a built in! Thats it I am demanding a mic, or he sleeps on the couch for the next 2 months! lol

[lonelyelendi]

The sound quality is fine though!

[cup o' noodles]

I wish I had a built in! Thats it I am demanding a mic, or he sleeps on the couch for the next 2 months! lol

LOL!

[lonelyelendi]

I wish I had a built in! Thats it I am demanding a mic, or he sleeps on the couch for the next 2 months! lol

ROFL! Tell him you need one to become famous! Paisley and my last video is the #71 most discussed comedy video of today!

[angie78gg]

ok...I have to go for now...Must pack clothes! Going away this weekend, and havent even started packing! have a good weekend Kenny and Noodle!

[lonelyelendi]

You too angie!